FUTURE 5

"N" Returns

2009-11-27T16:14:00.006-05:00

"N" walked into our office again on Wednesday afternoon. I was pleasantly surprised as I wasn't sure whether I would see him again.

Yes, we had a great talk that first day in my office. He told me he was ready to get his life on track. Being the hopeless optimist that I am I was more than ready to believe him. After all if he wasn't determined to make a new start, why would he -- alone among his "Tribe" buddies -- risk climbing the stairs to a strange place to bare his soul to a relative stranger? But during our first talk I couldn't help but see that he was nervous and hesitant. He had a way of pausing in mid-sentence and gasping for air as he shared parts of his story with me. Would he have the strength to make a clean break from his old habits and old friends and claw his way out of the hole? Hard to tell. After that first meeting, I simply told him to go away, think about our discussion for a few days, and come back if he wanted to talk some more.

So here he was. Back for more. Among the many "regrets" he spoke of was the fact that he had been such a disappointment to his family. One of his goals now was to show them he could amount to something and eventually pay his mother back for her support -- support which he acknowledged is critical to him during a time immediately after prison when he has no job and no place to live. Maybe this is exactly what he needs, I thought, a sense of purpose as he pulls his live together, step by hard step.

At the end of our little talk I gave him a copy of a form we use with our high school students. We call it the "Game Plan". Each of them takes the time to fill it in, starting with short term and long term goals and then moving on to all the little steps it will take to reach these goals -- steps related to personal attitude, friends, education, family and more. The idea is for a completed Game Plan to serve as a personal guide to the future. And a signed Game Plan is meant to signify a commitment to that future. Would N take the time to fill it out? Would the very idea of a Game Plan be too much for him at this stage? I sent him off with his homework assignment, once again unsure whether I would see him again.

Digging Out

2009-11-25T15:11:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, a hole is dug so deep it's hard to imagine climbing out. "N" has dug such a hole for himself. He had surprised me by walking into our office one Monday afternoon early this fall. The previous Saturday morning while feeding a parking meter on Atlantic Street I had met N along with his crew of five friends. The six of them were sauntering down street looking for all the world like a group of toughs well worth avoiding. But one of them, "C", whom I have known over the years in previous mentoring days, stopped to say hello. He introduced his buddies as members of the "Tri-State Tribe", a group of musicians-rap artists just beginning to get their musical act together and looking for local gigs.

Somehow our brief conversation veered into the area of failures in school, "mistakes made", and future uncertainties. These guys, twenty-somethings all, each clearly knew a thing or two about falling off the path. The more we talked, the more the "Tribe" represented not so much a promising musical act, but a collective state of drift. Addressing some combination of C and the group as a whole, I pointed to the logo on our door and said, "come up and see me any time and we'll talk some more".

When N arrived that next Monday it took me a minute or two to place him. He reminded me that he was one of the "Tribe" and had taken my words about talking some more to heart. He told me that the other guys weren't "ready", but he definitely needed to talk to me. His story was a tough, but familiar one: blew off high school, ran with the wrong crowd, used and sold drugs, left prison only recently and still on probation. The "bad news," I told him, is that he has dug an incredible hole for himself -- no GED or high school degree, no job, and a record that will always be with him, just like the tattoos he had acquired along the way.

But, optimist that I am, I couldn't help but slant our conversation to the "good news": he is only 22; has his entire life still ahead of him and that anyone who tells him that he can't turn his life around at his age is way off base. Most importantly, I told him, there are people out there who would love to give him a helping hand -- people who will be interested in his "story" and will want to play a role in helping him re-write it. It would be a story about digging out, overcoming huge obstacles and finding a place in this world. Who wouldn't love to be part of a story like that!But, of course, the burdon would be on N to show these people that he, in fact, has the shovel in his hands and is willing to do the heavy digging.

In the weeks to come, N was to become an unofficial member of FUTURE 5 ("unfunded" as we say in non-profit speak) and I had the chance to watch this excavation project unfold......

FATHERS & DAUGHTERS

2009-10-30T15:38:00.004-04:00

We are gazing out our window. It's a warm, sunny day-before-halloween Friday. There is no better view of after-school socializing and hanging out than the one afforded by our 2nd floor perch overlooking Atlantic Street and Veterans Park.

Suddenly, Grant remarks, "You're not going to believe the color of that girl's hair over there.....the one just walking past the bus stop." Sure enough, even from across the street, the day-glo purple hairs radiates shock and awe.

The hair makes its way across the street to the sidewalk directly below our window. "Wait," I exclaim, "I think that's S!" S is one our students....and like all of them, a "favorite" of ours.

Sure enough, we soon hear her footsteps ascending our stairs. S strides into our office wearing a big smile and what turns out to be, much to our relief, a shiny halloween wig. We have a chance to talk about school and a connection we hope to make soon between S and a "coach" who happens to be Stamford's lone female firefighter. All in all an upbeat Friday afternoon conversation.....until S's cell phone rings. Immediate tension. Her face clouds. "No, no....I am just here at FUTURE 5....at FUTURE 5 talking about things.....and waiting for my ride."

There is no mistaking the angry voice of her father at the other end of the call. This has happened before. "I don't give an [eff] where you are, you need to......" S trys to remain calm and reason with him, but we can't help but overhear her father's anger transforming into out and out rage. Scary. Finally, S burst into tears and now, responding to her father with a volley of her own rage, races to the back of our office to continue the argument in private. Eventually, she re-emerges, somewhat more composed, but tearful. She explains how she has given her father good reason to be worried about her in the past, but he simply won't and can't understand that she is now honestly trying to get her life together and stay on track. We talk for a bit allowing S to air some of this out. Her ride comes. She says goodbye and descends the stairs, still wiping tears from her eyes.

I hear someone greet her at our front entrance. I hear the footsteps ascending our stairs. L enters, a smile a wide as the ocean. "You are never going to guess who came to my school today!"

"I give up. Some big celebrity?"

"No, my father. He walked into the guidance department and demanded to see my first half grades and my attendance record. What a surprise for him! Since I don't live with him now he just assumes I still have terrible grades and that I am not going to school. He expects only the worst from me."

L continues to smile and truly seems to relish the delicious irony of a mistrustful father bursting into the guidance office and discovering -- surprise, surprise! -- that somewhere along the way his daughter has apparently managed to turn a corner: good grades, good attendance, good attitude.

"My guidance counselor told me the whole story. Isn't that funny?" she laughs, as she wipes a tear from her eye.

2009-09-23T12:04:00.002-04:00

I never know when and where I will stumble across another FUTURE 5 coach. Like the proverbial spider, I always have to be ready to pounce. Yesterday for instance......

Two young technicians spend most of the afternoon wrestling with our building's HVAC system -- cleaning it, tuning it up, preparing it for the long winter ahead. As they were finishing up (but still in my web) I asked one of them about the training required for his job. I learned he had earned his certificate at Porter and Chester, a for-profit technical training institute here in CT. Interesting, but more interesting was our discussion after I asked him about whether he thought P and C had been a good move for him.

"I was what they called a 'troubled kid' in high school," he told me. He said that he and a number of his friends had floated through high school with no thoughts about the future and no plan. "When I got to P and C I realized that I was PAYING to be there. I paid attention. Did my work. Made sure I got the most I could out of it."

I asked if P and C had lined up his job for him. "They gave me leads. But it was really all on me to go out and get my job. A lot of guys don't realize that it's not going to be handed to you. You have to take the steps to get what you want in life."

As he left our office, I congratulated myself on having signed up a new FUTURE 5 coach.

2009-09-15T07:31:00.003-04:00

We really have to make this thing work. I was reminded of that again yesterday in a very simple way.

I was mired in Monday doubt. Are kids -- all 18 of them -- are great. But some of them have been slow to connect with their coaches for a variety of reasons -- access to a computer, confusion about how to log in, beginnng of school, etc. Our Thursday meeting with them grows in importance. We need their input on the experience so far. And we need to course correct some things. With all that is going on in their lives this fall, will they show up? The other Monday doubt is the cloud that has hung over us since our March start-up: funding. That cloud never dissipates. Now that we have traveled from "concept" to "reality" in just a few months, will we find the funds to sustain us? Now that we have built the "black box" will we be able to put it to full use and bring in more students?

Immersed in these thoughts, I hear Stacey call my name. A young man is standing at our door. He has just climbed to stairs to our office. He is alone.

"I'm here to see when you are starting up again with new students."

Happy for this interruption I invite him to sit down and talk. I realize this is his second visit to FUTURE 5. "C" had been here in June with his father. He had heard about the program and was disappointed that he missed our first wave. I remember that his father, a Jamaican immigrant, had listened intently to our discussion with his son and seemed eager for "C" to join our program.

Now "C" had come back all on his own. He tells me he is a senior at Westhill High. Like many of his friends he has no clue what he is doing after graduation. No college plans in the works as yet. But his interest is computer technology and we discuss how FUTURE 5 might help him link this interest to a plan for his future. He tells he has heard about what we are doing from a friend at Westhill, who is one of our orginal members. I can see the determination in his face. I can also see the uncertainty and the fear. "It's tough out there," he tells me. I tell him that he has already shown the kind of committment we are looking for since he has made the effort to come to our office twice. "You will be in the first group this fall," I promise.

As he leaves, I shake off some of my own doubts and fears and mutter to myself, "we really have to make this thing work!"